How Dark Link Stole Christmas
by Lady Fai
Summary: It is the poem/story of 'How the Grinch Stole Christmas' except with Dark Link. Contest inside. Happy Fourth of July!
1. Chapter 1

I was reading 'How the Grinch Stole Christmas' by Dr. Seuss. The drawing of the Grinch on the cover had red eyes and a wicked expression, so many of you can guess what character from LoZ I thought of.

I will write with almost all the original words, but there will be some changes. Let's see who can spot the most changes first, without cheating. All of the changes are very obvious except a few. Winner can request me to write any type of fic for him or her.

Please Enjoy your Christmas in July.

Every Hylian

Down in Hyrule

Liked Christmas a lot...

But Dark Link,

Who lived just north of Hyrule,

Did NOT!

Dark Link hated Christmas! The whole Christmas season!

Now, please don't ask why. No one quite knows the reason.

It could be that his head wasn't screwed on quite right.

It could be, perhaps, that his shoes were too tight.

But I think that the most likely reason of all

May have been that his heart was two sizes too small.

But,

Whatever the reason,

His heart or his shoes,

He stood there on Christmas Eve, hating the Hylians,

Staring down from his cave with a sour, frown

At the warm lighted windows below in their town.

For he knew every Hylian down in Hyrule beneath

Was busy now, hanging a holly wreath.

"And they're hanging their stockings!" he snarled with a sneer.

"Tomorrow is Christmas! It's practically here!"

Then he growled, with his fingers nervously drumming,

"I MUST find a way to keep Christmas from coming!"

For, tomorrow, he knew...

...All the Hylian girls and boys

Would wake up bright and early. They'd rush for their toys!

And then! Oh, the noise! Oh, the noise! Noise! Noise! Noise!

That's one thing he hated! The NOISE! NOISE! NOISE! NOISE!

Then the Hylians, young and old, would sit down to a feast.

And they'd feast! And they'd feast!

And they'd FEAST!

FEAST!

FEAST!

FEAST!

They would start on pudding, and rare Gerudo-roast-beast

Which was something Dark Link couldn't stand in the least!

And THEN

They'd do something

He liked least of all!

Every Hylian down in Hyrule, the tall and the small,

Would stand close together, with Christmas bells ringing.

They'd stand hand-in-hand. And the Hylians would start singing!

They'd sing! And they'd sing!

AND they'd SING! SING! SING! SING!

And the more Dark Link thought of the whole Christmas-Sing

The more Dark Link thought, "I must stop this whole thing!

"Why for fifty-three years I've put up with it now!

I MUST stop Christmas from coming!

...But HOW?"

Then he got an idea!

An awful idea!

DARK LINK

GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!

"I know just what to do!" Dark Link laughed in his throat.

And he made a quick Santy Claus hat and a coat.

And he chuckled, and clucked, "What a great trick!

"With this coat and this hat, I'll look just like Saint Nick!"

"All I need is a reindeer..."

Dark Link looked around.

But since reindeer are scarce, there was none to be found.

Did that stop Dark Link...?

No! Dark Link simply said,

"If I can't find a reindeer, I'll make one instead!"

So he called his wolfos Max. Then he took some red thread

And he tied a big horn on top of his head.

THEN

He loaded some bags

And some old empty sacks

On a ramshackle sleigh

And he hitched up old Max.

Then Dark Link said, "Giddap!"

And the sleigh started down

Toward the homes where the Hylians

Lay a-snooze in their town.

All their windows were dark. Quiet snow filled the air.

All the Hylians were all dreaming sweet dreams without care

When he came to the first house in the square.

"This is stop number one," Dark Link Claus hissed

And he climbed to the roof, empty bags in his fist.

Then he slid down the chimney. A rather tight pinch.

But if Santa could do it, then so could Dark Link.

He got stuck only once, for a moment or two.

Then he stuck his head out of the fireplace flue

Where the little Hylian stockings all hung in a row.

"These stockings," he grinned, "are the first things to go!"

Then he slithered and slunk, with a smile most unpleasant,

Around the whole room, and he took every present!

Pop guns! And bicycles! Roller skates! Drums!

Checkerboards! Tricycles! Popcorn! And plums!

And he stuffed them in bags. Then Dark Link, very nimbly,

Stuffed all the bags, one by one, up the chimbley!

Then he slunk to the icebox. He took the Hylians' feast!

He took the pudding! He took the roast beast!

He cleaned out that icebox as quick as a flash.

Why, that Grinch even took their last can of hash!

Then he stuffed all the food up the chimney with glee.

"And NOW!" grinned Dark Link, "I will stuff up the tree!"

And the Grinch grabbed the tree, and he started to shove

When he heard a small sound like the coo of a dove.

He turned around fast, and he saw a small Hylian!

Little Malon Moo, who was not more than two.

The Grinch had been caught by this little Hylian daughter

Who'd got out of bed for a cup of cold water.

She stared at Dark Link and said, "Santy Claus, why,

"Why are you taking our Christmas tree? WHY?"

But, you know, that Dark Link was so smart and so slick

He thought up a lie, and he thought it up quick!

"Why, my sweet little tot," the fake Santy Claus lied,

"There's a light on this tree that won't light on one side.

"So I'm taking it home to my workshop, my dear.

"I'll fix it up there. Then I'll bring it back here."

And his fib fooled the child. Then he patted her head

And he got her a drink and he sent her to bed.

And when Malon Moo went to bed with her cup,

HE went to the chimney and stuffed the tree up!

Then the last thing he took

Was the log for their fire.

Then he went up the chimney himself, the old liar.

On their walls he left nothing but hooks, and some wire.

And the one speck of food

The he left in the house

Was a crumb that was even too small for a mouse.

Then

He did the same thing

To the other Hylians' houses

Leaving crumbs

Much too small

For the other Hylians' mouses!

It was quarter past dawn...

All the Hylians, still a-bed

All the Hylians, still a-snooze

When he packed up his sled,

Packed it up with their presents! The ribbons! The wrappings!

The tags! And the tinsel! The trimmings! The trappings!

Three thousand feet up! Up the side of Mount Crumpit,

He rode to the tiptop to dump it!

"Pooh-pooh to the Hylians!" he was fiend-ish-ly humming.

"They're finding out now that no Christmas is coming!

"They're just waking up! I know just what they'll do!

"Their mouths will hang open a minute or two

"The all the Hylians down in Hyrule will all cry BOO-HOO!"

"That's a noise," grinned Dark Link,

"That I simply must hear!"

So he paused. And Dark Link put a hand to his ear.

And he did hear a sound rising over the snow.

It started in low. Then it started to grow...

But the sound wasn't sad!

Why, this sound sounded merry!

It couldn't be so!

But it WAS merry! VERY!

He stared down at Hyrule!

The Grinch popped his eyes!

Then he shook!

What he saw was a shocking surprise!

Every Hylian down in Hyrule, the tall and the small,

Was singing! Without any presents at all!

He HADN'T stopped Christmas from coming!

IT CAME!

Somehow or other, it came just the same!

And Dark Link, with his shadow-feet ice-cold in the snow,

Stood puzzling and puzzling: "How could it be so?

It came without ribbons! It came without tags!

"It came without packages, boxes or bags!"

And he puzzled three hours, `till his puzzler was sore.

Then Dark Link thought of something he hadn't before!

"Maybe Christmas," he thought, "doesn't come from a store.

"Maybe Christmas...perhaps...means a little bit more!"

And what happened then...?

Well...in Hyrule they say

That Dark Link's small heart

Grew three sizes that day!

And the minute his heart didn't feel quite so tight,

He whizzed with his load through the bright morning light

And he brought back the toys! And the food for the feast!

And he...

...HE HIMSELF...!

Dark Link carved the roast beast!

I'm experimenting with spacing. Sorry if the spacing is weird.

REMEMBER!

If there is a drought in your area and/or a ban on fireworks, DO NOT POP FIREWORKS!

Thanks! Happy Fourth!


	2. Chapter 2

Alright everyone, this is the original 'How the Grinch Stole Christmas' only without the italicized parts. See if you can spot the differences. (I made them pretty obvious)

Every Who

Down in Who-ville

Liked Christmas a lot...

But the Grinch,

Who lived just north of Who-ville,

Did NOT!

The Grinch hated Christmas! The whole Christmas season!

Now, please don't ask why. No one quite knows the reason.

It could be that his head wasn't screwed on quite right.

It could be, perhaps, that his shoes were too tight.

But I think that the most likely reason of all

May have been that his heart was two sizes too small.

But,

Whatever the reason,

His heart or his shoes,

He stood there on Christmas Eve, hating the Whos,

Staring down from his cave with a sour, Grinchy frown

At the warm lighted windows below in their town.

For he knew every Who down in Who-ville beneath

Was busy now, hanging a mistletoe wreath.

"And they're hanging their stockings!" he snarled with a sneer.

"Tomorrow is Christmas! It's practically here!"

Then he growled, with his Grinch fingers nervously drumming,

"I MUST find a way to keep Christmas from coming!"

For, tomorrow, he knew...

...All the Who girls and boys

Would wake up bright and early. They'd rush for their toys!

And then! Oh, the noise! Oh, the noise! Noise! Noise! Noise!

That's one thing he hated! The NOISE! NOISE! NOISE! NOISE!

Then the Whos, young and old, would sit down to a feast.

And they'd feast! And they'd feast!

And they'd FEAST!

FEAST!

FEAST!

FEAST!

They would start on Who-pudding, and rare Who-roast-beast

Which was something the Grinch couldn't stand in the least!

And THEN

They'd do something

He liked least of all!

Every Who down in Who-ville, the tall and the small,

Would stand close together, with Christmas bells ringing.

They'd stand hand-in-hand. And the Whos would start singing!

They'd sing! And they'd sing!

AND they'd SING! SING! SING! SING!

And the more the Grinch thought of the Who-Christmas-Sing

The more the Grinch thought, "I must stop this whole thing!

"Why for fifty-three years I've put up with it now!

I MUST stop Christmas from coming!

...But HOW?"

Then he got an idea!

An awful idea!

THE GRINCH

GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!

"I know just what to do!" The Grinch Laughed in his throat.

And he made a quick Santy Claus hat and a coat.

And he chuckled, and clucked, "What a great Grinchy trick!

"With this coat and this hat, I'll look just like Saint Nick!"

"All I need is a reindeer..."

The Grinch looked around.

But since reindeer are scarce, there was none to be found.

Did that stop the old Grinch...?

No! The Grinch simply said,

"If I can't find a reindeer, I'll make one instead!"

So he called his dog Max. Then he took some red thread

And he tied a big horn on top of his head.

THEN

He loaded some bags

And some old empty sacks

On a ramshackle sleigh

And he hitched up old Max.

Then the Grinch said, "Giddap!"

And the sleigh started down

Toward the homes where the Whos

Lay a-snooze in their town.

All their windows were dark. Quiet snow filled the air.

All the Whos were all dreaming sweet dreams without care

When he came to the first house in the square.

"This is stop number one," The old Grinchy Claus hissed

And he climbed to the roof, empty bags in his fist.

Then he slid down the chimney. A rather tight pinch.

But if Santa could do it, then so could the Grinch.

He got stuck only once, for a moment or two.

Then he stuck his head out of the fireplace flue

Where the little Who stockings all hung in a row.

"These stockings," he grinned, "are the first things to go!"

Then he slithered and slunk, with a smile most unpleasant,

Around the whole room, and he took every present!

Pop guns! And bicycles! Roller skates! Drums!

Checkerboards! Tricycles! Popcorn! And plums!

And he stuffed them in bags. Then the Grinch, very nimbly,

Stuffed all the bags, one by one, up the chimbley!

Then he slunk to the icebox. He took the Whos' feast!

He took the Who-pudding! He took the roast beast!

He cleaned out that icebox as quick as a flash.

Why, that Grinch even took their last can of Who-hash!

Then he stuffed all the food up the chimney with glee.

"And NOW!" grinned the Grinch, "I will stuff up the tree!"

And the Grinch grabbed the tree, and he started to shove

When he heard a small sound like the coo of a dove.

He turned around fast, and he saw a small Who!

Little Cindy-Lou Who, who was not more than two.

The Grinch had been caught by this little Who daughter

Who'd got out of bed for a cup of cold water.

She stared at the Grinch and said, "Santy Claus, why,

"Why are you taking our Christmas tree? WHY?"

But, you know, that old Grinch was so smart and so slick

He thought up a lie, and he thought it up quick!

"Why, my sweet little tot," the fake Santy Claus lied,

"There's a light on this tree that won't light on one side.

"So I'm taking it home to my workshop, my dear.

"I'll fix it up there. Then I'll bring it back here."

And his fib fooled the child. Then he patted her head

And he got her a drink and he sent her to bed.

And when Cindy-Lou Who went to bed with her cup,

HE went to the chimney and stuffed the tree up!

Then the last thing he took

Was the log for their fire.

Then he went up the chimney himself, the old liar.

On their walls he left nothing but hooks, and some wire.

And the one speck of food

The he left in the house

Was a crumb that was even too small for a mouse.

Then

He did the same thing

To the other Whos' houses

Leaving crumbs

Much too small

For the other Whos' mouses!

It was quarter past dawn...

All the Whos, still a-bed

All the Whos, still a-snooze

When he packed up his sled,

Packed it up with their presents! The ribbons! The wrappings!

The tags! And the tinsel! The trimmings! The trappings!

Three thousand feet up! Up the side of Mount Crumpit,

He rode to the tiptop to dump it!

"Pooh-pooh to the Whos!" he was grinch-ish-ly humming.

"They're finding out now that no Christmas is coming!

"They're just waking up! I know just what they'll do!

"Their mouths will hang open a minute or two

"The all the Whos down in Who-ville will all cry BOO-HOO!"

"That's a noise," grinned the Grinch,

"That I simply must hear!"

So he paused. And the Grinch put a hand to his ear.

And he did hear a sound rising over the snow.

It started in low. Then it started to grow...

But the sound wasn't sad!

Why, this sound sounded merry!

It couldn't be so!

But it WAS merry! VERY!

He stared down at Who-ville!

The Grinch popped his eyes!

Then he shook!

What he saw was a shocking surprise!

Every Who down in Who-ville, the tall and the small,

Was singing! Without any presents at all!

He HADN'T stopped Christmas from coming!

IT CAME!

Somehow or other, it came just the same!

And the Grinch, with his grinch-feet ice-cold in the snow,

Stood puzzling and puzzling: "How could it be so?

It came without ribbons! It came without tags!

"It came without packages, boxes or bags!"

And he puzzled three hours, `till his puzzler was sore.

Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before!

"Maybe Christmas," he thought, "doesn't come from a store.

"Maybe Christmas...perhaps...means a little bit more!"

And what happened then...?

Well...in Who-ville they say

That the Grinch's small heart

Grew three sizes that day!

And the minute his heart didn't feel quite so tight,

He whizzed with his load through the bright morning light

And he brought back the toys! And the food for the feast!

And he...

...HE HIMSELF...!

The Grinch carved the roast beast!


End file.
